my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family

Its your life. All I could do was email. I will never understand it. Tell them you love them but, they are not showing you respect or love by their actions and that it hurts. Yeah, it sucks for a lot of us. Finally, after many years my sister seems happy and content. Its quite obvious youre the problem here. The person has finally had enough and breaks up with the abusive person. She told me he was the one looking for her. She knew of all the abuse the ex did, the hell she put him through in the divorce, she financially ruined him, put him in debt $36,000. Im beyond heartbroken. Another who has a very similar story. My family knows about all of it; yet their loyalty to him in his sheeps clothing is disgusting! Recently, She also got a new boyfriend so was no longer in need of our services. I just found out one of my sisters plans a monthly family movie night with my kids but she does it when they are at his house not when they are with me. Good luck! My family even took family pictures with my kids and my ex and I wasnt in them. When I expressed my disappointment I was told I should INVITE MYSELF to these events!!! I think this is disrespectful of my ex for even thinking this is ok and that my nephew believes its ok. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your pain. I dont find it unreasonable at all. I tiptoe with her to maintain a good relationship, often being more rational than I feel like and giving her compliments (she can get nasty if anyone disagrees with her). For any of your family to pick YOUR ex over you seeing your nieces and nephews and having their sister and loved one they dont care not you. Such a loss for all of us. why do you get so grouchy at him. Cedric are you in a similar situation as the author of this post? Just because they are your family, doesnt mean they have to agree with you. They just didnt care. From everything Ive read of your account, it feels to me as if you are slowly being erased. I encourage each of you to take some classes do the research its far healthier to respect your ex and their gf/bf/so than to sit and bitch about them. Bad enough your kids are going through this, but you made it worse by being so self centered as to ruin their Thanksgiving with their father and extended family. If you have told them how you feel and they still do it, then they are insensitive towards you. You cant go forward with your life with him in it. I hope things have improved for you and everyone else who commented here with the same issues. This just shows that the person who wants their ex gone is controlling. You cant just assume because you want him out of the picture almost entirely doesnt mean that will happen. Once again, I put myself out there to my sisters hoping they would see him for what he truly is. All relationships need to be earned through mutual respect and consideration. Selfishly, im the one handling 100% of the financial responsibility for their grandkids (and I wouldnt want it any other way) but they dont seem to mind him contributing zero and having a six figure arrearage that will never be paid. Every Saturday John joins 9Honey exclusively to answer your questions on love and relationships. Thats why you should be careful when marrying. All the years of marriage, I kept all the hurt and problems to myself. I know im currently going threw this but i put a side the negative feelings for my ex because thats what mature adults do. It never gets easier. weddings, parties, family functions. And that's good. So, I get you! Now I realize Im not alone. From what I had found out later on.. He has 77 friends and 9 of them are from my family. Everyones able to grow emotionally. They include him but dont exclude me, the way it sounds like your family did. You want your family to take your husband in like a family member. You are setting healthy boundaries. At this point, I cant wait to get married and move away; he can have the kids. There is such a list of things he had and hadnt done. Im in a happy relationship now but seriously, bits of a feather flock together. It is just plain wrong! Because I didnt speak and didnt know he was doing this, my friends and family are no more. Your family should either choose you or cut them off. This same scenario happens when there are NO children involved. Its one thing to be able to have holidays together. It was our decision for how and when we shared this news, based on our relationship with our exes. He's Still In Active Communication With Her If the person you are in a relationship with has children from a past marriage; trust me, the kids will always be a reason for her to call him or vice versa. Personally, I took the high road and kept in touch with my sister because I dont want to lose a relationship with my niece and nephew. To figure out if hes not over his ex, there are two things you should consider: Suppose he has children with her. Although its been hard on my own, I made the right choice to have him out of my life. Very similar. Be bigger and stronger just turn the other cheek and enjoy your life less him and his games. Also I stopped going to my nephews games because my ex was going to be there sounds more like selfishness to me. Often the person leaving has been putting in the most effort and done everything they can to save the relationship before they throw in the towel. This could well be me, exactly what happened to me. Thats a worse gift than a chia pet or a crochet toilet paper cover. You and only you should be the one that decides whether your ex will be at a family function. Simply let them know that you feel its disrespectful that you have divorced your ex and they continue to include him in the various family events.and that you have separated for a reason. He still lives in the same house as his soon-to-be ex. I hope they can forgive themselves when/if they finally take some blame for their lack of support. Login first We share custody of our kids and they come home and tell me how they have family movie night with my sister at his house every month or how they just saw my brother and my nephews. I tried to separate before finding a partner, but to them the timing overlapped and I was the bad guy, the locks were changed, and I was thrown out. I found out several years later about this. Not heard from some of them once in the 2.5 years since separation and NOT ONCE has anyone ever asked me what caused it. I dont know how to deal with it, but Id like to get it sorted as were relocating soon and I dont want to take all this bad feeling with us. And its traumatic. And I still get along with his family. Im so sad to hear so many of us are suffering the same thing. Don't try to stop their friendship, just look for some options for the two of you so you can feel more confident. No one should have to cut ties with an in-law just because a spouse wants a divorce. More and more I was out and he was in. Im ready to move away and write off my whole family. He took off walking. I too can relate to this. What I cant understand is how they dont understand they were played. My husband thinks it is completely crazy and my mom doesnt like him because he has always set boundaries and doesnt even know what a boundary is. These kind of people know what to say but their actions are not inline with their words. If there's one key sign that your man is still in love with his ex, it's when he chooses her over you. and they jump through hoops for him! },{ Ive called her on this and told her it is inappropriate. I dont really know his family and its not hard for me to keep it that way.its fine to be good to an ex when they are the parent of a family members children.Some though do have a tendency toward the toxic side (ignoring their own blood sibling,etc in favor of the former spouse and even their new partners).its long standing situation in my husbands family.Long standing enough it wont change.its just the way it is. Even if its your family. He is certifiably nuts. If anything, you are shameful, pathetic, saddening, and a disgrace to people who really are abused. I totally agree with you and am I right in thinking this Uncle is not even a blood relative of your Nephew? I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. Parity! I feel the exact same way as you do and I know that the way we feel is not unreasonable and that there are valid reasons for our feelings about this particular issue. But if your done with him just because you either got bored or you actually didnt really like him to begin with? Once you get her position on all of this, for better or worse, you will know what is to be. You will grow old, your fuel will be harder to get. When I have him he ALWAYS knows where he is and he knows I dont have anyone else around him. Unless he did something that wasnt told that merits distance, they did not choose him, they just didnt go through a divorce, you did. Especially if that other party has been there through thick or thing. I told my bf he told me he misses his mom. },{ I see their texts to each other and she really feels sorry for him. Hi there iam going through the exact situation and I dont know what to do my ex has my daughter and she has also contacted my whole family on our current situation and now none of my family which were my form of support has all turned there backs on me they wont even let me explain my side of the situation and what took place on have a couple of siblings that have contacted me about what she want them to say to me that she had talk with c.a.s and I have not once contacted her family what so ever. Shes overstepped too much and shared personal information regarding me to my inlaws. "You should only be friends with an exs family if youve processed the breakup and have your emotional and social ducks in a row." So if hes not willing to introduce you yet, it really means that hes not ready to replace her yet. LOL, I feel for you. Why would my siblings request and maintain friends with my ex family when my siblings know how much this bothers me. Ive maintained a painful relationship with my whole family throughout all this for the sake of my kids but now Im wondering if walking away would have been better for my emotional health. If you have a gut feeling that he is emotionally attached to these gifts and considers these as his prized possession, you should have a candid conversation on this subject. You cant change them but you can change yourself. Thats YOUR stuff. They are aware of the concept of divorce. NOPE! Try it! Theres a very odd reason and I think they want to hurt Us ! I like the comment that crappy people find crappy people. His ex and family are all still mutual on Facebook so when I see his family post, she comments and so I checked her page to see if they were also commenting on her stuff and sure enough they were. My ex remarried and then his second wife died. It never gets easier. And no I never complained about my ex until I realised what a nasty person I had been living with all those years. This guy needs to piss off and get his own family. In court, it was obvious because he kept trying use their relationship against me in court! Another red flag and question you should ask yourself is: Why is he still following her on social media? I watched for almost 20 years as the ex and my family went on vacations, cruses Good luck to you. Oh, but (name of his ex) did it like this.. Going threw this right now. When Will Spousal Support Be a Factor in a Divorce Case? Then he knelt down and apologized that my best-friend told a lie that I was cheating on him, He was advised to divorce me so they can get married. My children are no longer babies, they are grown ass men and they dont need Dad to be at every family party.I can only hope that they (my children) know that no matter what happens that they will always come first and if they find themselves in a similar situation one day that Mom will be there for them. YOU GOT A DIVORCE?! Unfortunately the marriage just did not work. My brother came through town last weekend and he called my ex instead of me. Being traded in and abandoned by your own family and although you shouldnt have to explain your standpoint, and when you do no one gets it. Shes been invited to my cousins wedding. You are so dead on when you suggested my x is a narcissist and very manipulative as well. Once when daughter alone, I knocked on the door for 2 minutes, she would not talke to me. He promoted lies and created a division between my sisters and myself with the help of my younger sister. Not even any point trying to reason with anyone lacking in any true understanding, remorse or basic psychological knowledge so best to just ignore these entities and hope they rebirth as something worth discussing, Totally unacceptable and hurtful! The brother and ex are strangely close. So here is my dilemma, if it really is one. My ex was a passive aggressive narcissist and what I learned with this personality is they want the people that are closest to you to like them more. Am I wrong to feel this way? Accept it. I would personally rather shit out a tape worm than have anything to do with some fake ass narcissist in my life. We have a large family. Its heart breaking. What Went Wrong? Even if you are right they are HER family!!!! I havent spoken to my mom in 4 years. 8 years still dealing with his manipulation and my families insanity.but slowly the truth is making its way out and I continue to get healthier..1-by not participating in his games, 2 by not communicating with people who support his cruelty and manipulation, 3 prayer, prayer, prayer, 4 healthy choices for your everyday life, take care of youthe kids will keep watching and seeing that you are healthier, happier stronger and one day probably hate all the people who have been hurting you. That is very hurtful. The Ex is being more of a son to us than my own child is acting like a daughter. He has been featured media like Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire, Grazia & Elle. Oh well. Invite your family but not the ex. He began to live down the street, has stalked me for 11 years and started a business in the neighborhood club I belong to. If you want to stay awaythats fine too. People do not always know even if they think they do. Your family should respect you by limiting the things they do with him they do not even care about you at all those kids see that and wonder why is mom left out but mom was the one that had to go to bed with the prick, sounds to me like your sister might like him to much. Then tell him! I think these comments are horrid, maybe I missed something but Jesus, try to look at this from the guys perspective, you have full custody of HIS KIDS, theyre not just yours, just because hes more financially set and has an actual love life doesnt mean you have any right to allow your jealousy to hurt him. People are allowed to have opinions, even if they differ from yours. Praying for each of our healing journeys. I guess I should laughthe two of them can have each other. My ex got my family in the divorce so I know exactly how you feel. email us your dilemma at hello@thegirlsbathroom.com follow us on instagram @thegirlsbathroomshop the girls bathroom here : http. OMG My jaw dropped when I read this of all the comments of people sharing stories of their families being involved with the ex still.yours is almost verbatim to exactly to a T my lifethe only thing that is different is that it wasnt my sister but rather my mother whom I have begged and cried to to stop liking his fb posts and commenting and even then she wouldnt saying it was for my son who would be in the pic. It is the worse feeling. To me, its not even important. it saddens me to know that not only women go through such things im a man been married to a women i gave the world to she now is fighting for my late mums house after all her wrongs she done into me only god knows how she was able to get my mums property on her name it saddens me that everytime it feels like she winning even in her wrongs my mum left me with a sister that also does not have a home but this women is fighting for my mums house to be sold as shes only lacking money my concern where do i our kids go if we no longer there as she herself does not have a house this is so sad i pray but feel lost i mostly sit and ask God why me what did i do to go through all this just for loving a women that has never loved me. You just started dating. Can he love me too if he still loves his ex? She wanted the divorce. I went through my divorce 3 years ago. You cannot accept the fact that your perceived value far exceeds your worth so you constantly have to prop up the false character you have created to fool everyone yet once again I remind you that I can see right through your masks. We dont have kids, have never been married and only been together for 6 months. But your family is wrong wrong wrong!!! There are stories, you can find them online, where couples do manage this and the kids are much better adjusted and its a win/win. Or should I be expected to just deal with it? The sons Mom keeps asking to go to the events, and they wont tell her no. It really annoys me. And two years later he is still doing his evil from keeping my sister and her family away from me . To take it one step further, my ex-wife was included in my fathers will as a beneficiary in equal part as my brother and me. Its very painful and I dont understand. You arent unreasonable. Totally agreeits beyond crazy!! 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